“my boss keeps trying to use my car, coworker says I need a makeover, and more” plus 3 more Ask a Manager
“my boss keeps trying to use my car, coworker says I need a makeover, and more” plus 3 more Ask a Manager |
- my boss keeps trying to use my car, coworker says I need a makeover, and more
- get a signed copy of the new Ask a Manager book
- the power dynamics in job interviews will mess you up
- how can I stop people from stealing my food in the office fridge?
| my boss keeps trying to use my car, coworker says I need a makeover, and more Posted: 16 Apr 2018 09:03 PM PDT It's five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My boss, who I live with, keeps trying to use my company car When I interviewed for a position, I was told that I would be given a car and lodging while working, since I was relocating for a short while (I’m freelance). In writing, my boss said I would have “transportation" provided. When I arrived in the state and tried to rent a car and send an expense report to cover it, they said they wanted me to drive their personal car. (The car belongs to the company owner. This is a very small company with two full-time employees — me and my local boss, both of us answering to the main boss, who lives elsewhere). So fine, I used their car — but with that came all these stipulations not outlined before. My local boss — who lives with me in this provided home, which is another can of worms — has commented several times on how I should use the car, and how I shouldn’t be using it for personal reasons. Since this local boss wasn’t part of my contract negotiations — we were hired together — I said that this was part of my contract and that it was my car, and as such I could do what I wanted with it. I have treated the car as a rental, since that is what I had originally intended to get and it was their decision for me to use their personal car. In addition, my boss’ boss — the one who owns the car — told my local boss she could take the car “any time” that she wanted. As a result, my local boss has come to me in the past and announced she is taking my car. Then my boss was needling so often into my car use that I had to tell her once to back off. She then started asking prying questions into my contract and got very upset about some of the intricacies, saying her contract promised that she would be paid more than me and she was worried she wasn’t getting paid enough and that somehow that was my fault. I was floored and just said that if she had an issue with her contract to talk to the main boss; it had nothing to do with me. Also, it felt kind of weird to have her commenting on my pay like that; she kept asking me how much I made while saying “I am your boss!” to intimidate me into answering. I felt pretty attacked and was pretty upset by the whole thing. What’s going on here with the boundaries? How much of this situation is out of line? I’ve been dealing with it for so long I can’t tell up from down. Your boss is definitely out of line, but the entire thing is weird — particularly the part about you two living together, which you didn't even get into here, and which actually seems like a bigger, weirder deal. You sometimes see these sorts of blurred boundaries with three-person companies, but your boss in particular sounds awfully unprofessional. The fact that this whole situation is temporary is a good thing. If they try to extend it, I'd be really wary unless you're getting extraordinarily good professional benefits out of this somehow. 2. Should I tell my contact his email address is unprofessional? I recently met someone who used to work at the same organization I did (we didn’t overlap) who is on a job search. We have some openings at my company that seemed like a good fit with his background, so I encouraged him to apply and asked him to send a copy of his resume to me. The resume looked good, except his email address really stuck out. Instead of the usual FirstNameLastName@whatever.com, his email address was the title of a well-known children’s book and his initials, plus it was on an email server that seems pretty antiquated (not AOL, but close). Do you think I should respond to him and say, hey, by the way, your email is really jarring in an otherwise professional resume? And the choice of email server makes you look a little out of touch, especially for positions that require some media savvy like the one he was applying for? He’s much older than I am (an in, received a degree just a few years after I was born!) so it feels really weird to point something like this out, but I know if I were reviewing this resume for hiring, the email would seem weird to me. I don't think this is so egregious that you need to mention it. If he's an otherwise strong candidate, hiring managers aren't likely to reject him for having WindInTheWillows-AG@whatever.com as his email address. It's the kind of thing where they might think, "huh, that's a little unusual," but no reasonable hiring manager is going to be so put off by that that they take him out of the running. The antiquated domain thing … again, no sane employer will reject him because of that, but you're right that it can contribute to an overall impression (i.e., depending on what the domain is, it could make him not savvy about technology). I think it depends on what his field is though, as well as how well you know him. If he's in a field where being tech-forward matters and you were close, I could see saying, "Hey, I know this is weird, but using a compuserve email address on your resume might look a little dated/behind-the-times on tech. It's easy to set up Gmail or a personal domain if you want to do that." But it doesn't sound like you're particularly close, so I'd leave it alone, especially since he hasn't asked for feedback on his resume and it doesn't rise to the level of "embarrassing error that must be corrected." 3. Interviewing when you like your current job but would leave for oodles of money I was contacted by a headhunter about a job. I was about to tell them I was not interested, I am happy with my current employer, when they told me about the compensation package. I am well paid in my current job. The new company is offering enough money that I could pay off my mortgage in the next five years (instead of 25 years)! Even if conditions are toxic, for that kind of money, I would take this job if offered. I have a phone screen scheduled for later this week. What do I say when they ask why I'm leaving my current job? New challenges? An opportunity to work for a market leader? These answers sound so generic to me, but I can't really say the compensation is the reason, can I? Or is there a tactful way to say that the compensation is the reason? Don't say the money is the reason; employers never love that, even though we do in fact work for money. Instead, say something like, "I'm happy in my current job and wasn't actively looking, but when your recruiter contacted me about this position, I was really intrigued by the role because of ____." (And then fill in with something that plausibly appeals to you about the work you'd be doing.) 4. My coworker keeps telling me I need a makeover I have a coworker (I work in retail) who constantly makes comments about my hair — that I dont “style” it (I keep it in a ponytail at work so it doesn’t get in my way when I am working). I don’t wear makeup to work either, and she constantly makes comments on that, saying things like "you should put makeup on." She even told me in a tone that was not very nice that one day she needs to take me to get a makeover. She even said a few times that I need a makeover in a way that was not polite at all. I kept quiet for now because I don’t know what to do or say, plus I don’t want to cause problems at my job. What should I do or say to her? Your coworker is being incredibly rude. The next time she comments on your appearance, try saying, "I'm fine with my hair and makeup the way it is. Please stop commenting on it." Then, if it continues: "I've asked you to stop commenting on my hair and makeup. It's really bizarre that you keep doing it." 5. My manager won't tell me why I can't get promoted I’ve been at my company for almost 10 years now and have performed really well 90% of the time. I’m in sales and have had only one bad year, which was out of my control. I’m never the star, but I’m steadily successful and have a good reputation. My problem is that I’ve been passed over for several promotions. I’m not the type to think that everyone above me is incompetent (there are a few bad apples) but rather that I rightly deserve to be at that level too. I’m friends with my manager, but he will just not tell me why I’m not getting promoted. He will say nothing but good things about me to my face and tell me that I’m doing a great job, etc. However, when I press him for feedback, he can’t be honest. I really like my company but I’m clearly not on the fast track. People far junior to me are already being groomed to advance ahead of me. Should I get my head out of the sand and realize that this is as far as I go here? How do I get honest feedback so I can either improve, decide to be happy where I am, or find a new job? Yeah, your manager is doing you no favors by sugarcoating whatever's going on. You could try saying to him, "I appreciate that you praise my work, but what would be the most helpful to me is to understand specifically what you need to see from me in order to consider me for a promotion." But if he's not willing or able to give you useful feedback, then yes, you probably need to accept that this may be as far as you'll ever go there, for whatever reason, and that you'd need to go elsewhere if you want more responsibility. my boss keeps trying to use my car, coworker says I need a makeover, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager. |
| get a signed copy of the new Ask a Manager book Posted: 16 Apr 2018 10:59 AM PDT
If you pre-order now, you can sign up for a free signed bookplate here. (Details are at the link, but basically you provide proof of purchase and we’ll mail you a signed bookplate.) This offer is only available for pre-orders, so it expires on April 30 (but works if you pre-ordered before today too). The book comes out on May 1 (two weeks from tomorrow). It tackles 200 difficult conversations you might need to have during your career, focusing especially on the awkward and cringey conversations that people dread the most – like telling your boss you made a major mistake or asking your coworker to stop dumping work on you. It’s nearly all new content. What people are saying "The author's friendly, warm, no-nonsense writing is a pleasure to read, and her advice can be widely applied to relationships in all areas of readers' lives. Ideal for anyone new to the job market or new to management, or anyone hoping to improve their work experience." "A must-read for anyone who works…[Green's] advice boils down to the idea that you should be professional (even when others are not) and that communicating in a straightforward manner with candor and kindness will get you far, no matter where you work." "I am a HUGE fan of Alison Green's Ask a Manager column. I never miss it and always want more. This book is even better. It teaches us how to deal with many of the most vexing big and little problems in our workplaces—and to do so with grace, confidence, and a sense of humor." Order your copy now!get a signed copy of the new Ask a Manager book was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager. |
| the power dynamics in job interviews will mess you up Posted: 16 Apr 2018 09:30 AM PDT One of the most frequent themes in my inbox in the decade I’ve been writing Ask a Manager has been rude and power-tripping behavior from prospective employers during the interview process. And in letter after letter, people have written about feeling obligated to suck it up and deal with it because they think their interviewers hold all the cards. I wrote a column for Slate that explores the weird power dynamics of job interviews — and how they can lead job seekers to make bad decisions for themselves. (And it includes some highlights from memorable letters from here.) You can read it here. the power dynamics in job interviews will mess you up was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager. |
| how can I stop people from stealing my food in the office fridge? Posted: 16 Apr 2018 07:59 AM PDT A reader writes: I have a question about how best to call out and address food theft and bad kitchen behavior. Most of our staff is very respectful and we have systems in place to keep our kitchens clean. But there are a few bad actors, and their behavior is getting worse. There are some communal dishes in the kitchens, but a few of us bring in our own mugs. I’ve occasionally had my mug "borrowed" if I’ve left it too long in the kitchen after cleaning it, which for the most part is fine if they clean it and put it back. But a few weeks ago I found my mug in the kitchen covered with oatmeal. There was literally a thick sheet of oatmeal on the inside, outside, and on the handle — it looked like it had been dunked in a vat of oatmeal. It wasn’t even rinsed. Whoever had made the oatmeal had left it out to dry into concrete on my mug. What’s more annoying is that I’ve had quite a bit of food and drinks stolen too. A few sodas I could write off as harmless (or an accident). But it’s happening more frequently. Just a little while ago I had an entire box of snacks stolen out of the fridge. And then just yesterday, I came into work and found that someone had opened up a Ziploc that had my breakfast in it and helped themselves to some of it. It’s just becoming brazenly rude at this point. Do you have any advice about what to do? I have absolutely no idea who it is. For a while I was resigned to venting to a few friends and writing it off, but because the behavior is getting worse. (Seriously, who just starts opening up other people’s containers and helping themselves to half of it?) I want to proactively try to call out the behavior and address it. Post-It notes or a message in the general office Slack are tempting. But I don’t want to be the kitchen police, and I don’t want to sour an otherwise good office/kitchen culture. What’s a productive way to handle a few bad apples in the kitchen? This is a problem that plagues offices everywhere and, as far as I can tell, no one has ever found a fully effective solution to it. (Witness, for example, the amazing viral Twitter thread a few weeks ago about an investigation into some stolen shrimp fried rice.) There are a couple of things that work … sometimes. They won't be effective in all cases, but they're worth a shot: * Label your food with your name. Some office food thieves will be deterred by this — maybe because when food is unlabeled, it's easier for them to believe it's somehow communal (even if that stretches credulity), or maybe because it's easier for them to steal when their victim is Unknown Coworker rather than Jane, Who Always Says Hi To Me. On the other hand, particularly sociopathic thieves won't care. But hey, at least by trying this, you’ll find out which type you're dealing with. * Call out the theft publicly. This won't be appropriate in every office, but if your team is small enough, in some offices you could send an email team-wide saying, "I had a box of mangosteens in the fridge that has gone missing. Please let me know if you know its whereabouts." Again, sociopaths won't care (and who knows, might even get a thrill), but your more run-of-the-mill food thieves may feel guilty and be less likely to do it again when they're forced to see that their pillaging wasn't a victimless crime. (You can also get more creative. This person put her food in a thermos and labeled it "breast milk." People stayed away.) As for the mug … if you leave it in the kitchen, some people will assume it's for communal use, since some offices do provide mugs and other dishes. Your oatmeal-eating colleague is gross (how and why was the outside of the mug caked with oatmeal??), but your solution there is just not to leave it in the kitchen (or just to use mugs you're not attached to, and where you won't care as much if they're desecrated with oatmeal). Truly, though, as long as offices have communal kitchens, people will make their bad manners known there. how can I stop people from stealing my food in the office fridge? was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager. |
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